Choices, choices

At the age of 12 or 13, I used to write prolifically, I would use an old exercise book and write passionate stories of love and pain that were passed around the class as I wrote. It was something I did in my every spare moment, and as I was not doing very much schoolwork, there were lots of those! It seemed like all I ever would do. Until one day it stopped.

On the way to get to the kitchen for a very necessary morning drink (I get in to the office at 7am so that I can get home as early as possible) The electronic door would not work, try as I might, pressing that button it would not open. I began to panic and press it over and over again, I was sure I would never get out, Drama Queen that I can be, it took me a few minutes before I thought, but there is another door, I will just have to walk around and get out a different way.

Being trapped like that feels like my life. I had sworn to myself while writing those teenage stories, that I would never get stuck in a 9 – 5, so ok I do a 7 – 3ish but is the same thing. Now stuck with mortgage, and having two gorgeous girls to bring up I feel compelled to stick it out every day, but maybe I am not looking properly and there is another way?

I cannot go back to those stories; they were cheesy in the extreme. Besides there is no group of impatient readers demanding that I kept writing. In fact that only reason I write this is because even though it will be published the chances are that only two people will see it and only one of those will would be able to pick me out of a line up. Ha, I like this!

I have had endless ideas for alternative careers, childminding! Ho ho, there would all be going home swearing! Fostering, girl please! you know you can just about cope with the two you have and the amount nonsensical bureaucracy you have to go through to please the authorities, is way too much for me.

I ran across two people yesterday who where trying to change career from sensible banking jobs, to do something more creative, one wanted to design handbags, she is working on her website…one wants to be come a dancer, she hands out cards offering her Bollywood dancing at children’s parties. I have seen her perform. She should be doing it, but she is still getting up and doing the office thing.

I hope that they make good, it might be the inspiration I need. Then again, I really need to find it in myself; otherwise, I will always just watch other people, and I will grow old and embittered always finding reasons why I just can not get out that door...

Lawd de stress pan di Pitney dem, i nuh easy,

I am speaking of raising my little ones and trying to do it responsibly, it s a mine field out there

But try I must

This morning I was talking to two of those that I work with about competition. They are both men with young sons, 2, 4 and 7 . We were talking about the school policy of including as many children as possible in the Christmas Nativity (the question of Nativity or not will follow later). I rather like the inclusion policy that schools now follow as it means that I would not have to wipe away tears or have to explain to my child that she is just as good as every other child but just wasn’t picked this year. The men I was speaking to found this idea wet and lame as they believe that it did not teach life skills and as one would be shat on in this life, the reception year of primary school is a good place to start building character.

Now this idea feels to me like walking all over your seedlings before they have understood that they have been planted and are in the ground, the sun is above them and they are supposed to grow upward towards it.

We are hopefully moving away from the time when children in primary schools were made to feel it like in the rest of us do. Where Mary would might be played by a Michelle Fiffer / Jennifer Aniston,/Nicole Kidman look alike. Joseph by 4 year old who had a Tom Cruise/Sean Bean( is Charlton Heston dead yet?) profile.The baby rosy cheeked would probably be a bald dolly to prevent him looking swarthy.

In my local primary school the teachers are predominantly English ( of mainly Northern European extraction) and none are racist as far I know, however none of them were brought up with the Birth of Christ as a multicultural event; “and this is the real world kiddie so Ashante, you can not be Mary. But you could make a nice green bush coming in from the left in act 2, and Ahmed you can not be Joseph or a lamb, heavens forbid, maybe you can sit by the side and clap really loudly at the end. Your good at that, help, sing the songs.”

The point is that most schools today encourage all children to participate and take their turn. In the early years they all learn that the being on the stage and taking on the responsibility of learning lines and performing is something they can all do , and they can shine on stage without standing on another pupils toes or assuming superiority based on race, gender or parents proximity to the Headmistress. Don’t worry these opportunities are not eradicated as they get older there will be plenty of opportunity to play every card you have to your advantage.

It is quite nice that at least in first couple of years at school it is possible to share, it is not quite dog eat dog. Competition is healthier on a team basis, where more fun is had with others to join in with your success rather than being alone. Competition is healthy in an environment where adults set good examples for children and don’t pit them against one another, but by encouraging them that if they support one another it can mean success for all.

Hello, hello,
is any one out there?
I am told this can be a pointless exersize if no one knows that you are out there. I'll try not to take that view it maybe if nothing else cathartic.